SCENE: A meeting room of an Agile company – white board, projector. 12 people are gathered. It’s a sprint planning session.

WIDOW CRANKY: Oh, I need to have all of my Jira tickets done! They’re all very important!
PRINCIPAL BOY “HELLZAPOPPIN:” But what am I to do? I don’t have enough time or resources to meet your goals!
EVIL WIZARD AVABANANA: We will make everybody work longer only we’ll call it working smarter! That way, if they don’t get the work done it’s because they’re stupid! BWAH HAH HAH!
[AUDIENCE boos, only silently because they are afraid.]
PRINCESS JAZZHANDS: Hasn’t anybody noticed we didn’t get everything done last sprint, or the sprint before that?
AVABANA: Wait, you say there is unfinished work?
AUDIENCE: It’s behind you!
AVABANANA: Where are those missed targets again?
AUDIENCE: It’s behind you!
[EVERYBODY laughs]
SWISHY WASHEE: So how about we sit around and endlessly discuss one of these tickets? I’ve got all day!
HELLZAPOPPIN: Shouldn’t we have done this during sprint planning?
WIDOW CRANKY: I’m visibly aging during these meetings! Isn’t there something we can do?
AVABANANA: Oh no there’s not!
AUDIENCE: Oh yes there is!
AVABANANA: Oh no there’s not!
AUDIENCE: Oh yes there is!
AVABANANA: Perhaps you’d like to rub my magic lamp?
SWISHY WASHEE: I think you need a little bit of my facial cream! [SMASHES A WHIPPED CREAM PIE IN AVABANANA’S FACE.]
GENIE [appearing out of nowhere]: When in trouble you are found, try to turn yourself around! Let me hear your tearful plea, for you now have wishes three!
WIDOW CRANKY: I want infinite knowledge!
AVABANANA: I want people to work eighty hours a week!
HELLZAPOPPIN: I want someone else to blame our problems on!
JAZZHANDS: Can someone drop me off in a nearby dark cave?
SWISHY WASHEE: Oh thank God, I can finally take a toliet break!
GENIE [morphs into an unspeakable horror}: Ieeya! Ieeya! Cthulu p’thang!
AUDIENCE: Oh no you don’t!
GENIE: Oh yes I do! [Eats the audience and cast]

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